MrCrowder.Com

To Love and Lose

I should take care of you,
even when I’m down,
even when I’m lonely,
even when you’re not around.

I should take care of you,
even when I’m down,
even when I’m lonely,
even when you’re not around.

And I should take care of you,
even if you don’t ask me to.

-Zach Williams, Take Care

This semester, my last semester at George Fox, I’m blessed to finish my curriculum with a class on reconciliation.

Now, to be honest, no one looks forward to a last semester class. Even in grad school, years removed from high school and undergrad, I think it’s easy to experience “senioritis.” But it may be just what I need…

Over the weekend, a friend asked me to reflect some on the loss of my dad a few months back. He is close to a guy going through something similar and it’s hard to make sense of it sometimes.

I realize that reconciliation is generally an interpersonal concept, but I know that as I move forward over the next few months that it will be an interesting internal struggle for me.

I have to be ok with losing. I have to come to grips with loss.

And as I tried to articulate to my friend, I had no answers but I know I have to look it straight in the face, shed some tears, and throw my hands up.

Because it’s ok to be frustrated with life. With God. With the world.

It’s ok to love and to lose.

I think loving means that we’ll lose.

Loving is not about comfort or safety; rather it’s about experiencing life at its fullest.

It’s easy to shut down after a hard loss. It’s easy to complain and treat others how you really want to treat God. I’m going through that at times.

Which is why I have to own up to reconciliation.

I have to love people even when my heart wants to be mad, or hateful, or weak.

If we are just the sum of our experiences, then the past year has given me more than enough to doubt goodness and shut down on myself.

But I think we are more. I think we are the sum of our relationships.

And though I’ve lost some, I experience more love nonetheless.

For that I’m grateful.

I’m hoping reconciliation teaches me how to lose well without losing my sanity. Through that, I think I’ll learn how to love well.